Summertime - Don't Leave Me!

It is August everyone - August!  I am not even joking when I tell you that this makes me sad.  I am in love with warm weather.  We love swimming, playing outside, fishing, hanging out on the boat together, and grilling and sadly in a few months it will be all gone.  Thankfully we will have the joy of the Holidays to get us through until January, but after that I have one terrible case of the winter blues until about the end of March or April.  Maybe it was because last winter was so horrid, I am not sure but I am praying that it isn't so bitter cold this winter. 

Enough about depressing things - I have took a break from blogging lately because of the things I mentioned above. We haven't had time to do much this summer other than work, play, eat and sleep.  Tonight I put the munchkin to bed early because he had a bad case of terrible twos today and it was wearing on both of us here.  So after folding a load of laundry and catching up on a few vlog posts that I was behind on I thought I would be ambitious and get some reports done that I have been procrastinating on but since I have procrastinated so long my account went inactive.  Boooo!  Since I had the computer open and in front of me I thought I would just fill you all in. 

Josh is still loving his job as an ER nurse!  I am so happy to see him doing something that he loves to do and I am glad that he is working with coworkers that are good to be around as well.  That transition was much easier than I expected and I am so glad that all the hard work had paid off for him and it excites me when I think about all of the career opportunities he has in store for him. 

Sawyer has learned to talk pretty well now.  He learns something new every minute I am sure - he is such a sponge.  Even though he is right smack dab in the middle of his terrible twos, I am still loving the stage that he is in.  As a baby he wasn't very cuddly at all.  He always wanted to be exploring and trying to crawl, walk etc.  I am not sure what has changed but he has decided to become the most loving and cuddly child I have ever seen.  He is always saying, "I wanna cuddle you Momma."  and he lays on the couch with me and watches cartoons every morning until he gets good and woke up - definitely one of my most favorite times of the day.  Also, during his bedtime routine I still rock him to bed and we pray and sing songs and he also clings to me like a monkey when I tell him that it is time to go to bed.  It is really hard for me to put him down and walk away from such a sweet request from him.  Once I finally convince him to lay in his crib he then asks to kiss me a million times before I walk out.  I give him several kisses every night and when I start to walk out the door he always pleads for "another last kiss".  I am telling you he is something else.  I think he is getting close to being ready for potty training.  He has the peeing thing down pretty well (not perfect)  but for some reason the other end hasn't clicked yet but I am not going to push it.  We already tried to potty train him a few weeks ago and it ended up causing regression and a bad mood from him and me so we gave it up after a week. 

That is the update on how we all are.  Just soaking up what is left of summer and our days on the lake!  We have done so many fun things this summer that I will have to share pictures of on another post: our very fruitful garden, Panama City Beach, and lots of other good memories.  Til the next time - everyone soak up the sun while you can.  If only we could store up the rays for winter huh?

{Self Care For Moms} Caring for Your Soul Day Four: Relax - Let Your Soul Enjoy the Ride

Day 4:  Relax - Let Your Soul Enjoy the Ride

Relax, Relax, RELAX!!  Something I hear people tell me all of the time.  This is the area that I struggle with the most.  I am a worrier, and becoming a mother didn't help that at all.  My soul suffers greatly from this "condition" that I have, if you will.  I am always finding something to be worried about.  It is easy as a mother, sometimes I feel like it is downright necessary to stay up at night biting my nails and not trusting Jesus....especially around flu season! 

Anyways, after speaking to many mommas (especially 1st time moms) I have realized that this is not a rare problem among mothers.  Being a mom to an almost 2 year old, outgoing, knows no fear wild child has had my worry wheels a turning non stop since the moment he was conceived.  Although, we have had serious things arise that has required serious medical attention...my worrying has not changed the outcome one bit....matter of factly, I believe it has hindered.  I have had myself soo stressed out over things that I can't change, that I failed to take the time to just sit and soak it all in.  For instance, after a severe bleed while pregnant with my son....instead of soaking in the pregnancy - all I did was wish it to be over so I could have a healthy newborn.  I never enjoyed the pregnancy, I was too busy worrying.  Once he was here and healthy besides a few minor conditions, all I did was wish away his newborn stage because all he did was cry and never sleep.  I was too worried about me ever getting sleep again and feeling normal again to enjoy the sleepless nights cuddled up to my newborn. 

You get the picture right!  Worry, worry, worry, worry....well now I feel as if though I have a tired, old soul and I am only 25. Even though I have spend countless hours being tense and stressed, those hours have been wasted on nothing because they have done not one thing to make my son the healthy, happy boy he is today. 

It took me up until my son was 6-7 months old to realize what was going on.  That moment the realization of it all hit me, I decided no more. And that was that.  I have learned to put it in God's hands and God has blessed me with the gift of relaxation.  One of God's best blessings ever!  God has wanted to spoil me with this gift the whole time, but my stubborn self was too busy listening to the world instead of Him. I have realized a few things since then, things I wish I would have known beforehand:

You can always find something to worry about, if you want to.
Life will always have something for you to worry about.  Nothing in life will ever be perfect or go the way you want it to go.  Just accept that fact and roll with it.  Do the best that you can, and make the best out of every situation...and then relax and leave it in God's hands.  

Worrying & stress doesn't do anything but waste time.
I have never met a single soul that has a testimonial about how worrying and stress saved their life, or their child's life.  But I can personally tell you, it has wasted part of my life away.  Memories I could have been making have been destroyed by my sinful lack of trust in God.  I am also certain that it can actually physically shorten your lifespan. That right there is the true meaning of wasting time.

Praying helps, I promise.
Our pediatrician had warned us that if Sawyer's clogged tear duct hadn't healed on it's own by the time he was 12 months old, he would need to have a surgery to open it up.  Although a minor surgery, I wanted to avoid that at all costs.  So for 11 months of Sawyer's life, we followed all of the pediatrician's advice on how we could help his tear duct to open with no success.  We had been warned that the longer it was clogged, the less of a chance it would open on it's own. I was a starting to worry, but then I decided that I would just give it to God.  That night while I was rocking my little goopy eyed boy to bed, I prayed, "God, please open Sawyer's tear duct...I really don't want for him to have to have surgery.  I know you can do it if it be your will."  Less than 3 days later, his tear duct opened. All I had to do was to give it to God, and ask.  11 months of us trying to do it on our own and I never thought to ask God to do it for us.  How simple.  Thank you Lord! God loves us, he wants to help us...all you have to do is ask.  He might not always answer right away or in the form we expect it in....but sometimes God shows off and I feel blessed to have seen him show off.  Now whenever I feel myself start to stress, I give it to God.  I have seen him work, I trust Him.  He will see you through, no matter how small or how little. Just give it a try next time.

 I have learned to let God take control of my life and we play more, stress less, sleep better, and soak life in.  You only get one shot here on Earth, don't waste all the opportunities to make memories with your family like I did for that short period of time.  I am so thankful I learned my lesson when I did and stopped wasting my precious years of youth letting Satan steal my joy.  Giving my worries and stresses to God has been the best decision I have made for my family.  It is a struggle to not revert to my old ways at times, but I serve a big God, bigger than any problem this world can throw my way.  Go soothe your soul, pray your worries away and play your heart out.  



FYI: I am re-reading what I have just typed above, and I am so glad I chose this topic to write on.  Even though I have overcame worrying with my son, marriage and finances, I have just realized that I have already started worrying about how the future is going to play out on having a second child.  We are thinking of trying within the next year and I have been dreading it....why?  Well, worry of course ha! I have been worried that I would have problems with the pregnancy again, Sawyer will hate his sibling, and I will never sleep again! So I am so grateful the Lord laid this on my heart.  This post helped my eyes to be opened yet again to all the unnecessary worry that I have allowed to creep back in to my life. I hope this post helps you guys as much as it did me!  Bless you all!





 
 


 

A New Year Brings Change For Us

Tonight I was a little sad as I watched my watched my almost 2 year old sit on my husband's lap while flicking the emergency lights off and on in the ambulance. In less than 2 weeks, Josh will make the transition from medic to emergency room nurse. I have been so excited for Josh to get out of EMS for so long, that I am shocked at the sadness. I guess partly because I hate change, even good change. It is always painful to some degree.  The main reason I am sad, is because I just realized that medic Josh is all I have ever known and he is who I fell in love with. Him being a medic was part of the reason I fell in love with him.

Shortly after finding out we were expecting Sawyer, the wheels in our heads began to turn. We began to realize that EMS life isn't so family friendly. So we decided to take the necessary steps for Josh to get his degree to become an RN. Pre-baby I would come up and see Josh after work and stay all evening and then go home and sleep. We were very blessed in that aspect. Since he worked 48 hour shifts (back then he even worked 72 hour shifts), unless I went up to see him, we wouldn't see each other for days. So I went up of course. Well once Sawyer arrived the visits became shorter and shorter. Now that he is a toddler, he doesn't handle all the rules we give him at the station and he ends up getting mad because we are constantly having to tell him no and steer him clear of Josh's partners. Also, it is a major pain when I get Sawyer and myself ready, pack a diaper bag and load a toddler in the car, drive 15 minutes to town just to get a phone call that Josh has a call and we will have to turn around and go home. Toddlers don't understand why they didn't get to see Daddy and the "iretrucks". So I am sure you could see why I have been looking forward to leaving all that behind.

BUT on the other hand, I sat tonight and watched Josh play with Sawyer in the ambulance and I remembered being in awe of the lights and sirens at one point too. I remembered the first time I seen Josh wear his uniform. He looked so handsome....and still does. I remember thinking that paramedics were heroes and I was lucky enough to be loved by one. I remember beaming with pride the first time I heard Josh's voice on the radio. He was giving a patient report to a flight medic while awaiting a helicopter, he stayed so calm and collected while spitting out vitals and patient information like it was no big deal while I could hear his patient screaming in pain in the background. I was in awe of his profession, I was in love with who he was.

Somehow over time, the luster of EMS wore off and was replaced by resentment. I began to hate the job that took my husband's time and energy away from him. He would work long shifts with little to no sleep and come home just to play catch up all day on appointments and chores. The end of his day off would come too soon and he would be back at it the next day. Some weeks he would work 3 24 hour shifts and some weeks he would work 4. It began to wear on all of us.

However, somehow tonight, the prestige of his job came back to me. I noticed how good he looked in his uniform, the ambulance became fascinating again, and I had respect for what he did. After being together for 5 years, I see just how amazing his job really is again. He is first on scene, the first to pull someone out of a vehicle, the first to ease the unbearable pain, the first to tell you everything will be alright, the first to grab your hand and pray over you, the first person to save your life, the first to break the news that your loved one didn't make it. When I was 8 years old my Daddy was transferred from Berryville ER to Washington Regional via ambulance. He died in the back of the ambulance that morning en route to the hospital. I never have found out which medic was there with him in the back of that lonely ambulance ride. I often wonder who seen my Dad take his last breath, but I pray it was someone like Josh. Someone who prayed with him and for him as they watched over his body as he fought for life. Someone who prayed for his family when they called the time. Josh does that, prays for patients. God has worked through Josh's bare hands to bring life back into lifeless bodies. He is everyone's hero, not just mine. He doesn't have a team of doctors and nurses in the back of his ambulance to aid him in CPR, at times he has just his EMT and first responders and sometimes it is just him. So even though nursing is a very prestigious job itself, I realize now that I will miss seeing him do what he does. I was in Walmart once when out of nowhere here comes my husband busting in the door with a stretcher and his life saving equipment rushing to a lady's side. I just stood and stared as my husband kneeled over his patient and a crowd gathered around and watched him. I couldn't talk to him, hug him, kiss him nothing because he was too busy saving someone right in front of me. That is so very humbling, in a good way. There was also the time when a high school football player was down at a football game and the entire stadium of hundreds of people were watching as my husband rushed onto the field to help him. Can you imagine the pressure of working with hundreds of eyes on you? He never messed up, always performed his job to the best of his ability.  So, here I am in awe of all my husband has accomplished and the hero he has been to so many souls. I am going to miss seeing him do what he does best at but I know he will go on to save more lives and still be a hero, just in a different style.

I love you dear. I am so proud of all your accomplishments and I know God has so much in store for you as a nurse. I will always be proud no matter what uniform you wear. You are Sawyer and I's hero in so many ways. You are a blessing to so many, you will never know. 

Oh, And poor Sawyer will miss getting to see the ambulance. We will have to take him up there from time to time just so he can see them.