Hello Twenty Fifteen

Today marked the first of 2015.  My child woke up with a nasty cough and fever but at the end of day, I decided that I am okay with that.  Well, more than okay with that.  I have a great husband who loves me and little man like crazy, I have the sweetest little boy who is almost 3 years old this year, and pretty much every other single aspect of my life is blessed as well. I am really looking forward to what is in store for us this year!  The past 26 years of my life have been greatly blessed so I can only imagine this year will follow suit.  I hadn't blogged for several months so I will catch everyone up to speed on what has happened the last few months of 2014.

I am going to start off with Sawyer, of course.  I could go on all day about him and how much of a joy he is but I will try to stick to the highlights.  The first thing that comes to my mind is that he is fully potty trained now!  Praise the Lord.  I know every mom must think this, but I honestly never thought the day would come.  When he was ready, it was pretty easy.  I had tried twice before with no success, with each unsuccessful attempt Sawyer and I would just end up frustrated and worn out.  3rd time was a charm for him, and he is thoroughly enjoying the title 'Big Boy'.  I am not sure if I had shared this before or not, but Sawyer talks extremely well now.  I can't believe that just a year ago that he couldn't talk very well or make much sense because now he holds detailed conversations and he is very, very smart.  Always wanting to know how things work, why they work that way and he is very independent...very inquisitive.  His knowledge and eagerness to learn blows me away.  He can count to 11, sing his alphabet, recognize about 1/2 of his letters by sight.  He is also started learning phonics. Josh built a chicken pen and we have a few chickens that we have deemed as a Sawyer responsibility and he likes that alot.  He really likes feeling needed and that he has a place in this world that matters.  If there is anything to help with than he wants to be in the middle of it. Josh and I started teaching the preschool Sunday school class at church and we have just recently started taking Sawyer to class with us when we teach and he does so well in there and makes me so proud.  He does very well with structure and follows other children's examples to behave and be still very well.  This past year, especially the past 6 months he has made leaps and bounds in every aspect of life.  Even though I enjoy watching him learn and grow a part of me will always be a little sad because I feel like time passes by too fast with him.  Seems like just yesterday he was thought. 

Obviously, Sawyer occupies most of my time and thoughts but we have made time for other things this year.  Thankfully, Josh still loves his job working as an ER nurse, not much change there.  As I mentioned Josh invested a lot of his time working on a chicken coop and we have acquired some chickens that Josh & Sawyer love tending too...me not so much.  Since I grew up on a chicken farm, I am not so fond of them.  They grew old to me at a young age, but it makes me happy to see them enjoy them so much.  I am just thankful that they do most of the work with them and enjoy it!  Josh has also gotten a lot of other projects done around the place and house done.  I have took on sewing, Josh got me a sewing machine for my birthday and I love it so far.  My first project was a blanket for Sawyer.  The experienced quilters in Branson more or less told me not to waste my money on the type of fabric I wanted for his blanket because I would mess it up.  I wanted to make his blanket out of minky fabric which is notorious for being a difficult fabric to work with.  I am very stubborn and hard headed and since I knew that Sawyer would love the fabric since it is soooo soft, insisted that I make the blanket with that fabric. I won't lie, it wasn't easy....but I am proud of myself because I ended up making a beautiful blanket for him.  I learned a lot about working with the fabric and I had to re-learn a lot of sewing basics but I taught myself.  It isn't perfect by any means, but I love it and I love that I made something for him. A few weeks after that, I had a friend tell me that she started crocheting and that she loved how simple it made life feel.  She came over and taught me some basics.  A few days and a few you tube videos later and I had made my first infinity scarf.  I have made two more since then for other people and have decided that I really enjoy that as well.  I am starting to feel like a real Susie homemaker and I have fallen in love with the simple life and the satisfaction I feel from being content in that role.  I no longer crave activities to do all the time, or places to be - I am simply content to just be a wife and mother and all the chores and activities that go along with that. That is a prayer that has been answered for me - being content.

As I look back on this year, I see that we have all grown here under this roof.  Josh and I learn everyday how to be a better spouse to each other and it makes my wifey heart swell to see that we are constantly progressing in our marriage.  Our love continues to grow for one another, we grow closer as we tread life's waters - rough or smooth.  We also continue to grow spiritually.  This year, God has become more real to me than he has ever. Josh and I planned on expanding our family last year.  We finally found out we were expecting on our anniversary a couple of months ago.  Things seemed off to me from the get go.  I just had a bad feeling.  Everyone kept trying to reassure me it was just nerves, but deep down I knew something was really wrong.  Every blood test I had that came back a little off, or ultrasound that was just a little off just fed my fears.  Despite all the discouraging tests and symptoms I was having.  We seen a heartbeat around 7 weeks and we were told that despite the odd tests not too worry because a heartbeat was a very good sign and chance of miscarriage was very low at that point.  At my 9 week appointment we went in for an ultrasound only to see that the baby no longer had a heartbeat.  It was nothing short of devastating for us. I never understood the pain that others went through until I was watching my baby on the ultrasound screen lifeless.  I didn't publicly share our news, we told close friends and family that we were expecting and that was tough enough to have to tell just a handful people that we had lost the baby. I will not know in this lifetime why we went through that, but I know God is telling me that He had a purpose for it.  I really don't like talking about it and I don't like or want sympathy - BUT I feel convicted to share for whatever reason. Even as heartbreaking as the entire experience was, I had immediate peace.  I could feel God flooding my heart with it.  Only God could do that. Even though we never met them, I know they are in good company with my Dad and other family who had made it to Heaven before me and best of all I know they are in Jesus' arms. It makes me happy to know that. Like I said, I can't explain it but I know it now.  Going through that made me appreciate Sawyer & Josh all the more.  The fragility of life is so apparent to me. I pray that God will bless us with another child as soon as he sees fit, maybe 2015 will have that in store for us. I know Sawyer would enjoy a sibling and I don't want them too far apart.  It might be hard for me to imagine, but as much as I love and enjoy Sawyer, I can only imagine how much more my heart will grow with another child. 

After going through that, we topped off the year with a joyful Christmas.  Watching Sawyer made me feel like a kid again.  We enjoyed lots of family, food and fun!  We capped off the year with a small family gathering and that brought me to today.

 This pretty much wraps up the past year since I have blogged last.  It has been a great year and I hope everyone else can say the same for 2014.  Thanks for following!

My 1st Quilt

1st Infinity Scarf