Hello Twenty Fifteen

Today marked the first of 2015.  My child woke up with a nasty cough and fever but at the end of day, I decided that I am okay with that.  Well, more than okay with that.  I have a great husband who loves me and little man like crazy, I have the sweetest little boy who is almost 3 years old this year, and pretty much every other single aspect of my life is blessed as well. I am really looking forward to what is in store for us this year!  The past 26 years of my life have been greatly blessed so I can only imagine this year will follow suit.  I hadn't blogged for several months so I will catch everyone up to speed on what has happened the last few months of 2014.

I am going to start off with Sawyer, of course.  I could go on all day about him and how much of a joy he is but I will try to stick to the highlights.  The first thing that comes to my mind is that he is fully potty trained now!  Praise the Lord.  I know every mom must think this, but I honestly never thought the day would come.  When he was ready, it was pretty easy.  I had tried twice before with no success, with each unsuccessful attempt Sawyer and I would just end up frustrated and worn out.  3rd time was a charm for him, and he is thoroughly enjoying the title 'Big Boy'.  I am not sure if I had shared this before or not, but Sawyer talks extremely well now.  I can't believe that just a year ago that he couldn't talk very well or make much sense because now he holds detailed conversations and he is very, very smart.  Always wanting to know how things work, why they work that way and he is very independent...very inquisitive.  His knowledge and eagerness to learn blows me away.  He can count to 11, sing his alphabet, recognize about 1/2 of his letters by sight.  He is also started learning phonics. Josh built a chicken pen and we have a few chickens that we have deemed as a Sawyer responsibility and he likes that alot.  He really likes feeling needed and that he has a place in this world that matters.  If there is anything to help with than he wants to be in the middle of it. Josh and I started teaching the preschool Sunday school class at church and we have just recently started taking Sawyer to class with us when we teach and he does so well in there and makes me so proud.  He does very well with structure and follows other children's examples to behave and be still very well.  This past year, especially the past 6 months he has made leaps and bounds in every aspect of life.  Even though I enjoy watching him learn and grow a part of me will always be a little sad because I feel like time passes by too fast with him.  Seems like just yesterday he was thought. 

Obviously, Sawyer occupies most of my time and thoughts but we have made time for other things this year.  Thankfully, Josh still loves his job working as an ER nurse, not much change there.  As I mentioned Josh invested a lot of his time working on a chicken coop and we have acquired some chickens that Josh & Sawyer love tending too...me not so much.  Since I grew up on a chicken farm, I am not so fond of them.  They grew old to me at a young age, but it makes me happy to see them enjoy them so much.  I am just thankful that they do most of the work with them and enjoy it!  Josh has also gotten a lot of other projects done around the place and house done.  I have took on sewing, Josh got me a sewing machine for my birthday and I love it so far.  My first project was a blanket for Sawyer.  The experienced quilters in Branson more or less told me not to waste my money on the type of fabric I wanted for his blanket because I would mess it up.  I wanted to make his blanket out of minky fabric which is notorious for being a difficult fabric to work with.  I am very stubborn and hard headed and since I knew that Sawyer would love the fabric since it is soooo soft, insisted that I make the blanket with that fabric. I won't lie, it wasn't easy....but I am proud of myself because I ended up making a beautiful blanket for him.  I learned a lot about working with the fabric and I had to re-learn a lot of sewing basics but I taught myself.  It isn't perfect by any means, but I love it and I love that I made something for him. A few weeks after that, I had a friend tell me that she started crocheting and that she loved how simple it made life feel.  She came over and taught me some basics.  A few days and a few you tube videos later and I had made my first infinity scarf.  I have made two more since then for other people and have decided that I really enjoy that as well.  I am starting to feel like a real Susie homemaker and I have fallen in love with the simple life and the satisfaction I feel from being content in that role.  I no longer crave activities to do all the time, or places to be - I am simply content to just be a wife and mother and all the chores and activities that go along with that. That is a prayer that has been answered for me - being content.

As I look back on this year, I see that we have all grown here under this roof.  Josh and I learn everyday how to be a better spouse to each other and it makes my wifey heart swell to see that we are constantly progressing in our marriage.  Our love continues to grow for one another, we grow closer as we tread life's waters - rough or smooth.  We also continue to grow spiritually.  This year, God has become more real to me than he has ever. Josh and I planned on expanding our family last year.  We finally found out we were expecting on our anniversary a couple of months ago.  Things seemed off to me from the get go.  I just had a bad feeling.  Everyone kept trying to reassure me it was just nerves, but deep down I knew something was really wrong.  Every blood test I had that came back a little off, or ultrasound that was just a little off just fed my fears.  Despite all the discouraging tests and symptoms I was having.  We seen a heartbeat around 7 weeks and we were told that despite the odd tests not too worry because a heartbeat was a very good sign and chance of miscarriage was very low at that point.  At my 9 week appointment we went in for an ultrasound only to see that the baby no longer had a heartbeat.  It was nothing short of devastating for us. I never understood the pain that others went through until I was watching my baby on the ultrasound screen lifeless.  I didn't publicly share our news, we told close friends and family that we were expecting and that was tough enough to have to tell just a handful people that we had lost the baby. I will not know in this lifetime why we went through that, but I know God is telling me that He had a purpose for it.  I really don't like talking about it and I don't like or want sympathy - BUT I feel convicted to share for whatever reason. Even as heartbreaking as the entire experience was, I had immediate peace.  I could feel God flooding my heart with it.  Only God could do that. Even though we never met them, I know they are in good company with my Dad and other family who had made it to Heaven before me and best of all I know they are in Jesus' arms. It makes me happy to know that. Like I said, I can't explain it but I know it now.  Going through that made me appreciate Sawyer & Josh all the more.  The fragility of life is so apparent to me. I pray that God will bless us with another child as soon as he sees fit, maybe 2015 will have that in store for us. I know Sawyer would enjoy a sibling and I don't want them too far apart.  It might be hard for me to imagine, but as much as I love and enjoy Sawyer, I can only imagine how much more my heart will grow with another child. 

After going through that, we topped off the year with a joyful Christmas.  Watching Sawyer made me feel like a kid again.  We enjoyed lots of family, food and fun!  We capped off the year with a small family gathering and that brought me to today.

 This pretty much wraps up the past year since I have blogged last.  It has been a great year and I hope everyone else can say the same for 2014.  Thanks for following!

My 1st Quilt

1st Infinity Scarf

Summertime - Don't Leave Me!

It is August everyone - August!  I am not even joking when I tell you that this makes me sad.  I am in love with warm weather.  We love swimming, playing outside, fishing, hanging out on the boat together, and grilling and sadly in a few months it will be all gone.  Thankfully we will have the joy of the Holidays to get us through until January, but after that I have one terrible case of the winter blues until about the end of March or April.  Maybe it was because last winter was so horrid, I am not sure but I am praying that it isn't so bitter cold this winter. 

Enough about depressing things - I have took a break from blogging lately because of the things I mentioned above. We haven't had time to do much this summer other than work, play, eat and sleep.  Tonight I put the munchkin to bed early because he had a bad case of terrible twos today and it was wearing on both of us here.  So after folding a load of laundry and catching up on a few vlog posts that I was behind on I thought I would be ambitious and get some reports done that I have been procrastinating on but since I have procrastinated so long my account went inactive.  Boooo!  Since I had the computer open and in front of me I thought I would just fill you all in. 

Josh is still loving his job as an ER nurse!  I am so happy to see him doing something that he loves to do and I am glad that he is working with coworkers that are good to be around as well.  That transition was much easier than I expected and I am so glad that all the hard work had paid off for him and it excites me when I think about all of the career opportunities he has in store for him. 

Sawyer has learned to talk pretty well now.  He learns something new every minute I am sure - he is such a sponge.  Even though he is right smack dab in the middle of his terrible twos, I am still loving the stage that he is in.  As a baby he wasn't very cuddly at all.  He always wanted to be exploring and trying to crawl, walk etc.  I am not sure what has changed but he has decided to become the most loving and cuddly child I have ever seen.  He is always saying, "I wanna cuddle you Momma."  and he lays on the couch with me and watches cartoons every morning until he gets good and woke up - definitely one of my most favorite times of the day.  Also, during his bedtime routine I still rock him to bed and we pray and sing songs and he also clings to me like a monkey when I tell him that it is time to go to bed.  It is really hard for me to put him down and walk away from such a sweet request from him.  Once I finally convince him to lay in his crib he then asks to kiss me a million times before I walk out.  I give him several kisses every night and when I start to walk out the door he always pleads for "another last kiss".  I am telling you he is something else.  I think he is getting close to being ready for potty training.  He has the peeing thing down pretty well (not perfect)  but for some reason the other end hasn't clicked yet but I am not going to push it.  We already tried to potty train him a few weeks ago and it ended up causing regression and a bad mood from him and me so we gave it up after a week. 

That is the update on how we all are.  Just soaking up what is left of summer and our days on the lake!  We have done so many fun things this summer that I will have to share pictures of on another post: our very fruitful garden, Panama City Beach, and lots of other good memories.  Til the next time - everyone soak up the sun while you can.  If only we could store up the rays for winter huh?

{Self Care For Moms} Caring for Your Soul Day Four: Relax - Let Your Soul Enjoy the Ride

Day 4:  Relax - Let Your Soul Enjoy the Ride

Relax, Relax, RELAX!!  Something I hear people tell me all of the time.  This is the area that I struggle with the most.  I am a worrier, and becoming a mother didn't help that at all.  My soul suffers greatly from this "condition" that I have, if you will.  I am always finding something to be worried about.  It is easy as a mother, sometimes I feel like it is downright necessary to stay up at night biting my nails and not trusting Jesus....especially around flu season! 

Anyways, after speaking to many mommas (especially 1st time moms) I have realized that this is not a rare problem among mothers.  Being a mom to an almost 2 year old, outgoing, knows no fear wild child has had my worry wheels a turning non stop since the moment he was conceived.  Although, we have had serious things arise that has required serious medical attention...my worrying has not changed the outcome one bit....matter of factly, I believe it has hindered.  I have had myself soo stressed out over things that I can't change, that I failed to take the time to just sit and soak it all in.  For instance, after a severe bleed while pregnant with my son....instead of soaking in the pregnancy - all I did was wish it to be over so I could have a healthy newborn.  I never enjoyed the pregnancy, I was too busy worrying.  Once he was here and healthy besides a few minor conditions, all I did was wish away his newborn stage because all he did was cry and never sleep.  I was too worried about me ever getting sleep again and feeling normal again to enjoy the sleepless nights cuddled up to my newborn. 

You get the picture right!  Worry, worry, worry, worry....well now I feel as if though I have a tired, old soul and I am only 25. Even though I have spend countless hours being tense and stressed, those hours have been wasted on nothing because they have done not one thing to make my son the healthy, happy boy he is today. 

It took me up until my son was 6-7 months old to realize what was going on.  That moment the realization of it all hit me, I decided no more. And that was that.  I have learned to put it in God's hands and God has blessed me with the gift of relaxation.  One of God's best blessings ever!  God has wanted to spoil me with this gift the whole time, but my stubborn self was too busy listening to the world instead of Him. I have realized a few things since then, things I wish I would have known beforehand:

You can always find something to worry about, if you want to.
Life will always have something for you to worry about.  Nothing in life will ever be perfect or go the way you want it to go.  Just accept that fact and roll with it.  Do the best that you can, and make the best out of every situation...and then relax and leave it in God's hands.  

Worrying & stress doesn't do anything but waste time.
I have never met a single soul that has a testimonial about how worrying and stress saved their life, or their child's life.  But I can personally tell you, it has wasted part of my life away.  Memories I could have been making have been destroyed by my sinful lack of trust in God.  I am also certain that it can actually physically shorten your lifespan. That right there is the true meaning of wasting time.

Praying helps, I promise.
Our pediatrician had warned us that if Sawyer's clogged tear duct hadn't healed on it's own by the time he was 12 months old, he would need to have a surgery to open it up.  Although a minor surgery, I wanted to avoid that at all costs.  So for 11 months of Sawyer's life, we followed all of the pediatrician's advice on how we could help his tear duct to open with no success.  We had been warned that the longer it was clogged, the less of a chance it would open on it's own. I was a starting to worry, but then I decided that I would just give it to God.  That night while I was rocking my little goopy eyed boy to bed, I prayed, "God, please open Sawyer's tear duct...I really don't want for him to have to have surgery.  I know you can do it if it be your will."  Less than 3 days later, his tear duct opened. All I had to do was to give it to God, and ask.  11 months of us trying to do it on our own and I never thought to ask God to do it for us.  How simple.  Thank you Lord! God loves us, he wants to help us...all you have to do is ask.  He might not always answer right away or in the form we expect it in....but sometimes God shows off and I feel blessed to have seen him show off.  Now whenever I feel myself start to stress, I give it to God.  I have seen him work, I trust Him.  He will see you through, no matter how small or how little. Just give it a try next time.

 I have learned to let God take control of my life and we play more, stress less, sleep better, and soak life in.  You only get one shot here on Earth, don't waste all the opportunities to make memories with your family like I did for that short period of time.  I am so thankful I learned my lesson when I did and stopped wasting my precious years of youth letting Satan steal my joy.  Giving my worries and stresses to God has been the best decision I have made for my family.  It is a struggle to not revert to my old ways at times, but I serve a big God, bigger than any problem this world can throw my way.  Go soothe your soul, pray your worries away and play your heart out.  



FYI: I am re-reading what I have just typed above, and I am so glad I chose this topic to write on.  Even though I have overcame worrying with my son, marriage and finances, I have just realized that I have already started worrying about how the future is going to play out on having a second child.  We are thinking of trying within the next year and I have been dreading it....why?  Well, worry of course ha! I have been worried that I would have problems with the pregnancy again, Sawyer will hate his sibling, and I will never sleep again! So I am so grateful the Lord laid this on my heart.  This post helped my eyes to be opened yet again to all the unnecessary worry that I have allowed to creep back in to my life. I hope this post helps you guys as much as it did me!  Bless you all!





 
 


 

A New Year Brings Change For Us

Tonight I was a little sad as I watched my watched my almost 2 year old sit on my husband's lap while flicking the emergency lights off and on in the ambulance. In less than 2 weeks, Josh will make the transition from medic to emergency room nurse. I have been so excited for Josh to get out of EMS for so long, that I am shocked at the sadness. I guess partly because I hate change, even good change. It is always painful to some degree.  The main reason I am sad, is because I just realized that medic Josh is all I have ever known and he is who I fell in love with. Him being a medic was part of the reason I fell in love with him.

Shortly after finding out we were expecting Sawyer, the wheels in our heads began to turn. We began to realize that EMS life isn't so family friendly. So we decided to take the necessary steps for Josh to get his degree to become an RN. Pre-baby I would come up and see Josh after work and stay all evening and then go home and sleep. We were very blessed in that aspect. Since he worked 48 hour shifts (back then he even worked 72 hour shifts), unless I went up to see him, we wouldn't see each other for days. So I went up of course. Well once Sawyer arrived the visits became shorter and shorter. Now that he is a toddler, he doesn't handle all the rules we give him at the station and he ends up getting mad because we are constantly having to tell him no and steer him clear of Josh's partners. Also, it is a major pain when I get Sawyer and myself ready, pack a diaper bag and load a toddler in the car, drive 15 minutes to town just to get a phone call that Josh has a call and we will have to turn around and go home. Toddlers don't understand why they didn't get to see Daddy and the "iretrucks". So I am sure you could see why I have been looking forward to leaving all that behind.

BUT on the other hand, I sat tonight and watched Josh play with Sawyer in the ambulance and I remembered being in awe of the lights and sirens at one point too. I remembered the first time I seen Josh wear his uniform. He looked so handsome....and still does. I remember thinking that paramedics were heroes and I was lucky enough to be loved by one. I remember beaming with pride the first time I heard Josh's voice on the radio. He was giving a patient report to a flight medic while awaiting a helicopter, he stayed so calm and collected while spitting out vitals and patient information like it was no big deal while I could hear his patient screaming in pain in the background. I was in awe of his profession, I was in love with who he was.

Somehow over time, the luster of EMS wore off and was replaced by resentment. I began to hate the job that took my husband's time and energy away from him. He would work long shifts with little to no sleep and come home just to play catch up all day on appointments and chores. The end of his day off would come too soon and he would be back at it the next day. Some weeks he would work 3 24 hour shifts and some weeks he would work 4. It began to wear on all of us.

However, somehow tonight, the prestige of his job came back to me. I noticed how good he looked in his uniform, the ambulance became fascinating again, and I had respect for what he did. After being together for 5 years, I see just how amazing his job really is again. He is first on scene, the first to pull someone out of a vehicle, the first to ease the unbearable pain, the first to tell you everything will be alright, the first to grab your hand and pray over you, the first person to save your life, the first to break the news that your loved one didn't make it. When I was 8 years old my Daddy was transferred from Berryville ER to Washington Regional via ambulance. He died in the back of the ambulance that morning en route to the hospital. I never have found out which medic was there with him in the back of that lonely ambulance ride. I often wonder who seen my Dad take his last breath, but I pray it was someone like Josh. Someone who prayed with him and for him as they watched over his body as he fought for life. Someone who prayed for his family when they called the time. Josh does that, prays for patients. God has worked through Josh's bare hands to bring life back into lifeless bodies. He is everyone's hero, not just mine. He doesn't have a team of doctors and nurses in the back of his ambulance to aid him in CPR, at times he has just his EMT and first responders and sometimes it is just him. So even though nursing is a very prestigious job itself, I realize now that I will miss seeing him do what he does. I was in Walmart once when out of nowhere here comes my husband busting in the door with a stretcher and his life saving equipment rushing to a lady's side. I just stood and stared as my husband kneeled over his patient and a crowd gathered around and watched him. I couldn't talk to him, hug him, kiss him nothing because he was too busy saving someone right in front of me. That is so very humbling, in a good way. There was also the time when a high school football player was down at a football game and the entire stadium of hundreds of people were watching as my husband rushed onto the field to help him. Can you imagine the pressure of working with hundreds of eyes on you? He never messed up, always performed his job to the best of his ability.  So, here I am in awe of all my husband has accomplished and the hero he has been to so many souls. I am going to miss seeing him do what he does best at but I know he will go on to save more lives and still be a hero, just in a different style.

I love you dear. I am so proud of all your accomplishments and I know God has so much in store for you as a nurse. I will always be proud no matter what uniform you wear. You are Sawyer and I's hero in so many ways. You are a blessing to so many, you will never know. 

Oh, And poor Sawyer will miss getting to see the ambulance. We will have to take him up there from time to time just so he can see them.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

My heart is seriously a puddle on the floor right now! I am so very in love....with my OH SO sweet little boy!  I'll admit, having him isn't easy all of the time.  I know that I post all things sweet on my Facebook page, but let me assure you Facebook can be so deceitful.  I have my times as a parent where I feel like a total failure.  Having a very active, vocal toddler is HARD work.  For example, the other day he got so wound up playing with Josh on the living room floor that he just threw himself backwards out of excitement and bumped the back of his head pretty hard.  WHY?  I have no earthly idea!  The kid is just pure wild and impossible to be tamed sometimes.  He cried a lot in his sleep after the bump on his head  (which is totally unlike him) and I was all ready to jump up and rush him to the ER on the snow covered roads.  I slept none that night!  I checked on him I don't know how many times, googled brain bleeds for over 30 minutes...finally after 3 something in the morning, he stopped his sudden waking with bawling.  He might have had just a headache, I am not sure.  There are so many things that could be wrong with them, and the little babes can't tell ya what's wrong so as moms we stay up all night freaking out while our dear husbands snooze away.  So ever since then, he has spent a lot of time in his play pen in time out calming down when he gets wound up so we don't have another incident that keeps this momma up all night.  Oh, I might add he acted perfectly fine the next day...and he acted perfectly fine the night before, just while he was sleeping. 

The point I am trying to make is that being a parent is a tough business...that is just one example out of soo many things that I feel like I fail at daily and I am sure that I am totally accurate when I say that I do fail him as a parent.  I don't always make the right decisions, sometimes I wanna assume fetal position and bawl, I am lazy from time to time, I microwave his food, and the list goes on. But I feel good about most of my parenting, because I give it my ALL, I do my BEST, and I LOVE him unconditionally.  So even though being a mother is such hard work at times and very tiring, it is so very rewarding. 

Tonight while rocking my sweet boy, he took his little hands and framed my face and he had such an intent, serious look on his face and he kissed me literally over 50 times!  The kid was overflowing with such a sweet, pure love for me.  I started smiling, and he would bust up laughing for a second and then get a serious look on his face and start all over with the sweet kisses.  After rocking him for several minutes and singing him his favorite song about ten times in a row, I laid him down in his crib where he told me, "Night, night....I wuv you."  That right there, takes a person's breath away.  I am tearing up just re-reading what I have typed.  How blessed am I?  Money can't buy that.  I am in love with my little blessings.  One of the best things about this whole deal is that right before I put him to bed, his Daddy kissed me goodbye and Sawyer watched.   He has learned to be sweet to momma from his Daddy!!!  We are setting a good, loving example for him.  This just confirms to me that we are doing something right.  When an almost two year old is bursting with that much love, you know that you are doing this parenting gig okay.  So Sawyer taught me something tonight, he taught me that the best thing I can do for him is to teach by example.  Be loving, caring, Godly, full of joy and he will follow by example.  What a sweet lesson that was. 

So starting tonight, I am going to be intentional about surrounding my child with people that are good examples.  Recently, someone dropped the f bomb several times in front of Sawyer and I about went crazy momma on them....but I didn't, I just sat there and fumed internally.   Not anymore.  My God-given duty is to train up Sawyer and guard his heart.  I will not surround Sawyer with people who don't have the respect to keep a clean mouth around my little sponge, I will NOT surround Sawyer with people that are bad influences on his pure and tiny heart.  I will just leave. 

So my prayer tonight is that God will create a clean heart in me and Josh that we will be the best example for Sawyer.  That we will be aware of what is coming out of our mouths and others, TV screen, and radio. I am so glad that my eyes were opened tonight to just how much of an impact we have on Sawyer's life.  It was definitely a sweet lesson. 

Choosing to Be Positive

Be positive, be positive, be positive....I am constantly having to remind myself to be POSITIVE because honestly I am not a positive person at all, I am quite negative.  Debby downer right here!!!  And I hate that trait about other people so I am on an active mission to become a positive, deep down cheerful gal! I have so much to be joyful about, as most people do....but I tend to let life's small headaches overshadow my major blessings.

A recent example of that would be my stomach bug bout I had Sunday night.  Yuck!  Anyways...moving on.

So here are some confessions, I plan on working to eliminate these little facts below:

1. I have a hard time giving someone the benefit of the doubt, you may call it skepticism - however if something appears off...I usually take the first negative thought that hits me and I go wild with it.

2. I always expect the worst....always.

3. I always feel like I have messed something up, I never feel satisfied with whatever I do....like I could always do better.

4. I complain way too much.

5. I am always playing defense.

Ya, it's a big problem.  I want God's love to be pouring out of me, like so much that it's like unicorns and rainbows floating around my head.  I love people like that.  My dental hygenist is like that and I adore her.  I actually look forward to going to the dentist, just so I can talk to her because she always makes me smile and I feel good about the world when I leave.  Our piano player at church is like that too, when she isn't around I miss her to pieces.  My good friend, Kaysi, is like that too.  I LOVE these people.  I gravitate towards them.  They never have anything bad to say and they are always smiling and have a great outlook on life.  So this is my mission people.  I want people to enjoy being around me, love my spirit, and miss my smiles when I am not there.  

More importantly, I want my husband to come home to a happy, smiling wife that isn't distraught unless there is a good reason to be.  I heard on the radio recently that one of the biggest turn offs for men is a negative, whiny, woman....Whoops!  AND I know that in doing this I will rub off on him and he will probably become a more positive person as well.  Also, I want my son to grow up in a positive environment and I want him to be a positive person with positive influences on his peers.  I spend almost every minute of his days with him, so I rub off on his little heart that is so easy to shape right now. My outlook on life has so much of an impact on his little life right now and the person he will become that I am accountable to him and to God to raise him in the best environment possible.  

So I am ready to change this attitude, I am sure it won't be easy but it's my conviction right now and it's my responsibility to my family.  What has your conviction been lately?  I have felt so many, God is moving!  As someone at my church says quite often, "When you move, God moves."  I am making my move.

Worry Much?

I don't know where I got this from or if I was born this way but as long as I can remember I have always been a nervous natured person or as people call me, a worry wart. I remember staying up all night as a little girl watching KY3 weather to make sure my family wasn't going to be destroyed by a tornado every time it would storm. I also remember one occasion I started bawling out of nowhere not long after my Dad passed away from cancer because my mom came home with a cotton ball taped on her arm from a blood draw and I just knew she had cancer and she was going to die too and we would all be orphans. Or when Matt joined the Marine Corp I acted like I was attending a funeral for nearly a year because I was so scared something bad would happen to him. The list goes on, I never really seen this to be an issue until I had a child of my own. Oh my goodness!!!! Sometimes I literally get sick over nothing. I have had myself convinced Sawyer was deathly sick or injured numerous times. There have been a few times he has needed medical attention but 99% of the time he is perfectly fine. But as I lay here writing this I am now determined to bleach every square inch of my house tomorrow because I just watched on the 10 o' clock news that a 2 year old named Sawyer just die from e-coli. See what I mean?!? It's literally like a sickness.

I don't want to be this way. But how do you stop? I feel like this is who I am, and I can't imagine just not worrying. I have decided that the only chance I have to overcome these irrational fears and worries is to trust God with them. Easier said than done, but I know he has the power to take these worries away from me and give me peace. So here is what I have dug up - 1 Peter 5:7: Casting all you care upon Him; for He careth for you.  God cares for me, He loves me and and He knows what is best for me....therefore I need to be better at leaving it in his hands. He created the entire universe so I am sure he can handle taking care of me and my family's needs. I know Satan loves this about me, because I am so busy worrying sometimes that I never take the time to appreciate all the blessings I do have instead I am busy thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Here's another verse I found, 2 Timothy 1:7: For God hath not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. That's pretty self explanatory. These scriptures make me feel better. I serve a powerful God and he cares for His flock. I just need to keep these in mind so I can keep Satan's nasty thoughts out of my mind.

I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way and I am sure as a mother that it is normal to worry to an extent. When it starts hindering your walk with the Lord, something has got to change. As I laid here tonight panicking over e-coli, I realized I was taking it too far and I need to calm down and soak in the Word. The worst part is, I know the worry has just begun. I still have driving and dating years ahead of me and Lord have mercy if any of my children ever join the armed forces. Ahhhh!!! I had better stop ha ha, here I go again!!